Cute animals don’t belong in my pussy
I’ve always been slightly annoyed about a certain segment of sex toys out there. Animal-themed sex toys, to be precise. What genius decided that women need or want their sex toys to be modeled after animals? Do the powers-that-be think if a sex toy is shaped like a bunny or a dolphin it will be more appealing to women? Do they think it’s easier for a shy lady to purchase a dildo with a face on it rather than one that is more life-like? Even if that is true, how insulting is that? All of us silly, giggling girls couldn’t POSSIBLY purchase a realistic looking vibrator, NOOOO… it must be cute looking! </sarcasm> I, for one, am not a fan of any toy that resembles an animal. Apparently, I’m not alone…
Lilly (of This Could Be Dangerous…) and I were discussing this very topic the other day. Please do enjoy a glimpse of our conversation:
coy_pink: WHY do sex toys for women have to be modeled after animals??
Dangerous_Lilly : lol, it bothers me too
coy_pink: What asshole thought that was a good idea in the first place?
Dangerous_Lilly: is there a reason the shape of a butterfly is a superior handsfree toy?
coy_pink: “Ooo, let’s make it like a cuddly animal and then women won’t feel dirty buying it!”
coy_pink: Exactly!
Dangerous_Lilly: ok like this vibe http://www.amazon.com/Duckie-Original-Waterproof-Personal-Massager/dp/B000Z4J4KS i would feel dirty using that. it looks like a kiddie toy!!!
Dangerous_Lilly: or, even worse http://www.amazon.com/Big-Tease-Wormie-Personal-Massager/dp/B000OWMRNM
coy_pink: I just wouldn’t be able to get over rubbing an animal on my girlie parts.
Dangerous_Lilly: or that it looks like a toy your kids might own
coy_pink: Or my girls would somehow find it and want to play with it.
Dangerous_Lilly: ok, fine, if they find it it’s less humiliating…or if others find it. but STILL, how can you then take it away from your kids and say “no, that’s mommy’s wormy toy”
coy_pink: Daughter #1 found my rabbit vibrator a couple of years ago (before I got a good hiding place). I told her it was a back massager.
coy_pink: rofl
Dangerous_Lilly: lol
Dangerous_Lilly: The whole rabbit vibrator thing irks me too, but for different reasons i guess
Dangerous_Lilly: the rabbit-styles that i’ve liked….do NOT have bunny ears
Dangerous_Lilly: cause ya know what? I’m a big girl now and I don’t enjoy the fluttery irritating almost-nothingness of goddamn ears that are an inch away from the bullet
coy_pink: We bought an ivibe (i think) with the butterfly (instead of rabbit) on it, at the recommendation of the girl at the toy store.
coy_pink: The wings piss me off.
coy_pink: Ok, ours isn’t the ivibe, it’s this one: http://www.loverspackage.com/p-75114-choose-your-pleasure-kit.aspx (and it’s a hummingbird, not a butterfly)
Dangerous_Lilly: oh that looks annoying
coy_pink: Ok, wtf??? http://www.amazon.com/Doc-Johnson-Mini-Rabbit-White/dp/B000CDLB3A
Dangerous_Lilly: I mean really now….if having a vibrator that looks like a beaver (cliche) or a bunny or a fish what have you, if that makes you feel better about using a sex toy….then I think you need to up your sex-positive quotient or something. It’s like they’re catering to the women who are so immature and repressed that they think masturbation is dirty, and this is a way to cutesy it up.
Dangerous_Lilly: gah!!
Dangerous_Lilly: that looks like my cats catnip toy!!!!
coy_pink: Yes!
Dangerous_Lilly: I am not playing a part in the porno version of Alice in Wonderland, thankyouverymuch
Dangerous_Lilly: http://www.edenfantasys.com/vibrators/discreet-vibrators/teddy-buddy
Dangerous_Lilly: It’s like the kiddie porn version of vibrators
Dangerous_Lilly: http://www.edenfantasys.com/vibrators/discreet-vibrators/i-rub-fishie-flame
coy_pink : What the hell?? This is getting insulting. Are these toy companies run by 7 year olds??
Dangerous_Lilly: i know!
coy_pink: http://www.amazon.com/Screaming-Octopus-Vibrator-Tingle-Tentacles/dp/B00182KEP0
Dangerous_Lilly: Funny is that they’re listed under “discreet vibrators”
Dangerous_Lilly: if you need to be that discreet, pick up a damn locking toybox
coy_pink: You can hide it among your children’s toys!
Dangerous_Lilly: like a good mommy!
Dangerous_Lilly: yeah I saw Urban gypsy had reviewed that octopus
coy_pink: So did The Beautiful Kind
coy_pink: She wasn’t impressed.
coy_pink: I’m so sending you one of these for Christmas: http://www.amazon.com/Doc-Johnson-Mini-Rabbit-Pink/dp/B000CDHP08
coy_pink: The eyeballs FREAK ME OUT!
Dangerous_Lilly: ewwww! its awful!!!!!!
Dangerous_Lilly: its like…..wow. i couldn’t even touch it.
Dangerous_Lilly: it looks like a mouse
coy_pink: It does look like a mouse
coy_pink: with growths on its eyeballs.
Dangerous_Lilly: wait….are the black eyeballs….
Dangerous_Lilly: sticking out???
coy_pink: YES!!!
Dangerous_Lilly: *cocks head*
Dangerous_Lilly: no…..
coy_pink: they wouldn’t do that….
coy_pink: Apparently so
Dangerous_Lilly: that’s 467 kinds of wrong
coy_pink: Because nothing says sexy like pointy rabbit eyeballs.
Dangerous_Lilly: that’s just so gross and scary
coy_pink: So, what animals have we seen represented in toys? Rabbits, dolphins, octopus, worms, ducks, hummingbird…
coy_pink: insects
Dangerous_Lilly: insects?
coy_pink: the butterfly
coy_pink: and the worm
Dangerous_Lilly: ohh
Dangerous_Lilly: wonder if there’s a spider vibe
coy_pink: That would freak the shit out of me… and Alec.
coy_pink: So, it’s not bad enough they make the vibes look like animals, they give them stupid names like “Wittle Wabbit Tickler”
Dangerous_Lilly: lol
Dangerous_Lilly: OMG
Dangerous_Lilly: http://www.amazon.com/Mapi-Llc-Pinky-Pleasure/dp/B00187WKNE
Dangerous_Lilly: who would want a CRAB?!?!?!?!
Dangerous_Lilly: that so so so wrong
Dangerous_Lilly: Crabs in your cooter? No thanks, we’d like to avoid that
coy_pink: WTF is that thing??
Dangerous_Lilly: its Craby
Dangerous_Lilly: it attaches “ever so gently” to your outer labia
Dangerous_Lilly: for hands free
Dangerous_Lilly: and looks like a crab
A huge thanks to Lilly for a fun chat that had me literally laughing out loud. It’s good to know that I’m not the only girl that’s a bit freaked out by animal-themed sex toys.
Come on, girls! There have got to be better toys out there for us to be spending our money on. Take for instance the Lelo line of toys or “pleasure objects”, as the company likes to refer to their products. Yes, they’re more expensive than the Vibro Dolphin Massager but don’t we already know that we get what we pay for? Or what about something from Vibereview.com or Babeland.com? Yes, they do carry some animal shaped toys but there are plenty of other things to choose from that won’t make you feel like you’re at the zoo when you look in your toy box. Let’s send the toy companies a message: we don’t need it to be cute for us to want to buy it. It doesn’t need to remind us of our favorite pet to be appealing. We’re talking about SEX TOYS here! I need my toys to penetrate, vibrate, excite, and pleasure me. I don’t need to find them adorable.
ha ha ladies, as a Butch, I must say that I found this conversation rather… Illuminating! Thank you for the chuckle.
I have to be honest and say, that if I ever dated a girl that wanted a me to use a toy, or any other object that resembled an animal, I would slap her (in a loving fashion) and tell her not to insult me *wink*
I am afraid when it comes to “matters of the bedroom” or strapping on, if it does not resemle a Cock, don’t even bother wasting my time! *smirk*
Enjoy, ladies!
Lol!
My boyfriend and I had a talk like that 5 or 6 months ago. We were looking online at toys and saw a “discreet” vibe modeled like a penguin and another like a rubber duck. I collect rubber ducks and penguins and couldn’t even imagine using vibrators modeled after the two. I’d feel flat out ridiculous using something like that or any of the kiddie toy looking “discreet” models out there. I’m sure some people dig them but I think it’s incredibly silly personally.
I just wrote a post on my private blog about a “discreet” toy. It looks like a vibrator, it’s just a mini version of one. That’s my idea of a discreet toy, lol. Not something that looks like it belongs in a daycare center toybox or a kiddo’s bathtub.
Great post! It had me laughing.
Now THIS is the kind of conversation I like overhearing. I feel like I’ve just toured the zoo!! hee hee. This could easily be turned into a play. You could call it “Zoo Dildos.” It’d be the new Vagina Monologues.
PS: I just reviewed a toy that looks like a tapeworm:
http://www.thebeautifulkind.com/2008/10/13/sex-toy-box-the-wanda/
“467 kinds of wrong” HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
Yay! I love this post!
Honestly, if a woman wants a small discrete vibe, there is no better than Lelo’s Mia.
I’m not sure which toy squicks me out more, Craby or the lab-experiment mouse-rabbit with sticky-out eyes.
I almost spit my coffee!! I do love my rabbit vibe but that’s where I draw the line. I don’t want cute faces… ick. Great post!
I remember reading years ago, from something by, I think, Susie Bright, that animal shapes and/or those unnerving little smiley faces were originally intended to get around laws against “marital aids” in the country they were first manufactured and/or first became popular.
Back when vibrators first started getting popular in America there were basically two kinds, smooth candle-shaped and “Swedish” ones that strapped to your hand. They worked… ok but they really were adapted from tools for old-fashioned body massage.
Oh yeah, and the candle-style ones were available mainly through mall-based “Spencer Gift” type novelty toy stores which, I’m guessing, meant they had to be indirect about their intended use.
Anyway, when the new ones, specifically the Rabbit showed up from Japan though it was a revelation. Their modesty standards are strong but very different from our so, for instance, they weren’t particularly shy to design tools specifically for actual masturbation… but they still put bunny ears and little smileys on them.
And naturally when they took off here other manufacturers imitated the designs, bunny-ears or dolphin heads and all, without, I think, wondering *why.* Once manufacturers stopped imitating and started doing their own thing we started getting *really* specific toys like the Rock Chick (not for everyone but *very* effective for some people) and the Lelo designs.
Anyway, that’s where I think the little animal effects on a lot of toys came from.
Cool conversation, Coy and Lilly.
figleaf
Would I rather be caught with a vein-y, realistic looking dildo, or a bunny that buzzes and that everyone knows is a sex toy?
Uh, give me the dildo any day. At least it requires less explaining at airport security.
I agree with this *so* completely.
Figleaf is right: they make them that way so they can get around import/export laws internationally. It’s the same reason why most sex toys are labeled as “novelty items.” It has nothing to do with what the end-user actually wants in a sex toy.
@May – What countries manufacture “vibrators” that are disguised to get around import/export laws?
For example one of the worst ones we listed is a Doc Johnson toy. So I know damn well they didn’t make that lab-experiment-gone-wrong mouse/rabbit thing to get around a law.
Perhaps that excuse might have held water 25 years ago. Note that in Figleaf’s comment he said “originally intended” not “currently”.
OMG! this was hilarious and YEAH for LELO! We live and breathe for LELO. That fish “toy” and the rabbit with the creepy eyes.. yeah … WTF!
I don’t understand the foofaraw.
1> Is it reasonably possible to shop for a sex toy without seeing all three sorts? By this I’m speaking of:
* Cutesy (including as a subset animal themes)
* Minimalist
* Realistic
I could be wrong but I believe the answer is “no”
2> Is it reasonably possible that a significant fraction of the market may prefer a cutesy sex toy over a minimalist or a realistic sex toy?
I believe the answer to this is “Yes” because it’s reasonably possible that a significant fraction of the market may prefer ANYTHING when it comes to sex. People are polymorphous when it comes to sex.
3> Given 1> and 2> are you actually asking for this segment of the market to forego their cutesy sex toys?
I think the answer to this is “No” because I really don’t think a sex-positive person like you would actually tell anyone that safe, sane, consensual, private sex of any form is wrong.
So…
What’s the foofaraw?
Does it all boil down to “This is not my personal preference.”?
@May – Rock Chick is made in the UK, LELOs are made in Sweden, We-Vibe in the USA… seems like there are plenty of international toy makers scoffing at these international import/export laws and not putting animal faces on their stuff. Philips even got in on it recently, and they’re fairly international.
thank you for having this discussion….I totally agree; the last thing I want is something that is cute….I am a grown woman after all. But I never could figure out why once upon a time maternity clothes were pastels with lace and ribbons like little girl clothes….
Amen to that! I hate all those little cutesy toys and have complained about the obsession with making them all animals like that before. Geesh, you’d think toy companies could be more creative, at the least, and understand that putting a cute mouse or cat up my pussy isn’t exactly on my to-do list.
I am finding this so amusing. That I post a silly little rant about not caring for animal-themed sex toys and I get so many comments. It’s great!
@Nobilis – There is no “foofaraw.” Yes, it’s personal preference. And a silly conversation between two friends on a ridiculous subject that I thought was funny enough to turn into a blog post. However, if all animal-themed toys stopped being produced, would the segment of the public that chooses those toys stop buying sex toys altogether? I can say for myself, if the ONLY choice I was given for sex toys were those that looked like animals, I’d probably just go ahead and buy them, if I wanted a sex toy. But all of this is really irrelevant because I’m sure as long as someone is buying the animal toys, the toy makers will continue to produce them.
Oh, I so agree! Hello, I’m new here…but I have looked and looked and looked for vibes that don’t have animals on them, and it’s damned near impossible. Especially for my budget range. Or people! I saw one with a Pharaoh on it! What?! There is something just weird about putting a (upper) head IN my pussy–could be a weird porn I saw as a freshman in college though. :-\
Thank you for addressing this, I thought i was the only one who thought this was beyond weird.
I so have to agree with this dicussion. The bunny ears are so entirely pointless and totally get in the way. This so made me laugh. Thank you for sharing this conversation.
Hysterical, I’m glad I’m not the only one shying away from the “animal” world…